ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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