Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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