Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
