I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
