I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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