I could make wine with my vomit
Too much gin, very little bucket
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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