69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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