Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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