So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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