her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
