think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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