why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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