Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
