I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
