The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
