dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
