He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I feel like abortions should bother me more
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
