i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He shit in the fireplace
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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