dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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