I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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