Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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