May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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