I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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