don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
