is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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