what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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