At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
