I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
