the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
