She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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