Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
