he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
