i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
