thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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