Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
