Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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