i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
