Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
