I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
