I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
