I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
