I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
