So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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