Screwed.edu
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
