If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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