Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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