It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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