So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
