Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
