Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So many bounce houses so little time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
