He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
