in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
