Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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