I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
