fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
