It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
