my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
