She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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