This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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