Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
