I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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