she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
