On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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