i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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