my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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