I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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