Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
