Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize