I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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