so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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