I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
