How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
