im holly from the hills drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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