so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
should my penis look like a turkey
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
