then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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