Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
