Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
His nipple licking is glorious
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
